Emotions and Daily Functioning

Deep emotions pull our attention from what we're meant to be doing that day, or even that week. Too many days of being distracted by our emotions and we've let the house become filthy, the quality of our work is rapidly reduced, and all of our relationships are crumbling because of one troublesome event that knocked us off kilter over a week ago. This is not a healthy way to deal with difficulties, as it makes everything else in your life turbulent in a vicious chain reaction. We know it's not healthy, but sometimes we go along with it anyway. Even those of us who know better don't always do better, so what's the point in getting better with our responses to emotional dysregulation? The point is to improve your responses in a healthier direction so you have less fallout from emotional issues, and with less fallout to have more days of healthy and productive interactions than unhealthy destructive incidents.

Okay... So what is the healthier way to deal with these emotional upsets?
First, try not to take it out on anyone who hasn't directly contributed to the actual problem. Second, do your best to remain rational in the midst of your emotional storm so you don't obliterate your self respect with oversized retribution. Third, take some time alone (a couple of hours, not an entire day) to sort the facts from the feelings and evaluate the facts of the matter in a relatively calm state of mind. Fourth, take responsibility for your contribution to the problem; your actions, your assumptions, your words, your reactions, not what the other person said and did. This means to evaluate and change your behaviors and word patterns in order to minimize your culpability in the next encounter that begins in a similar way, and apologize where appropriate. Fifth, when you have taken steps to improve your behaviors and word patterns, go back to your daily chores and work with your usual focus and care.

Yes, this is easier said than done, and that's why even those of us who know better don't always do much better with these things. However, with practice, this does get easier to follow through on, and you will become much more resilient in a healthy way. Difficulties will bother you for shorter amounts of time, emotional upsets won't last so long anymore, conversations will generally become less contentious, and the people who stick around through your emotional regulation self training will appreciate you more as you become a more understanding person all around.

When you've practiced this process a few times, come back for the next step in building your resilience.